What can I say? I love a good turtleneck. I love polo necks. And I love the cardinal cleavage sin of fully buttoned up shirts.
I'm also very conscious of how fully I embraced the "party top" as a concept when I was 16. Spaghetti straps, embellished triangles and an empire line, all battling with a misshapen strapless bra lumping around all over the place underneath; H&M kept me well stocked.
In more recent years, colleagues have mentioned that a saucy neckline for me is no lower than a crew-neck jumper. Y'know, a glimpse of the old collarbone when I turn to one side. Pure filth.
Due to a number of good and exciting things, I have been pretty short on cash lately so shopping trips have been perilously few and far between. I've allowed myself a replacement pair of black boots (that I actually featured here a few weeks back) and a new clothing gadget that is destined to keep me covered up on those days when even a crew-neck just seems too wayward.
Marvel at this:
It's called a "mock-shirt". How exciting. What's that, you're wearing a shirt under there? No, no, this is just my mock-shirt.
I do enjoy clothing that is both functional AND sneaky.
Ironically, I have been roundly mocked for my mock-shirt, mainly because it is hilarious to look at whether I'm holding it or wearing it. I agree that it looks like a weird adult bib, and that spending £29 on such a thing seems really bloody stupid. I agree that it seems like something I bought on QVC or equivalent TV shopping channel. I am also aware that it is not a sexy item to incorporate into bedroom undressing situations.
But, in my (petite) defence, shirts can often be way too bulky underneath jumpers because of the excess material. Not with the mock shirt! The mock shirt has adjustable straps and thus always lies flat!
I love a crisp white collar to round off an outfit but my office has a totally unpredictable climate and sometimes two layers are sweltering. Mock shirt to the rescue again! Only the illusion of two layers, keeping me from a perspiration-based incident!
If any of this sounds sensible, I cannot urge you enough to buy one. And I was reliably informed by the sales assistant in Cos that they have new ones for winter. Navy rollnecks! Mercy mine!
NB: Most important lesson: you cannot take your jumper/top layer off if you get too warm. Repeat, you absolutely cannot.